It is a common misconception that psychotherapy is only for people who have a diagnosed mental health condition. In this post I explore the many ways in which psychotherapy, and the therapeutic relationship, can be of service to people to find their way in life, relationships and society.
To be Held in Someone Else’s Mind
Some people have never had the experience of being deeply heard, for their feelings and thoughts to be validated by someone, and for these to be held in someone’s mind and be thought about by the other. This is a human need that we all have through the course of our lives, and it contributes to our self-esteem and a sense of connectedness, amongst other things. In my work with such clients, my role is to make space for the full spectrum of their experience to be listened to, acknowledged, and to meet them with kindness and empathy.
Exploring One’s Multicultural Identity
For people who live their lives embedded in more than one culture, for instance at home, at workplace and in society, and for people who have moved to the UK from a different culture, therapy can help them discover their sense of identity that incorporates the full range of their cultural influences, and for them to be able to relate to others as a multi-cultural or a different-cultural person. Therapy can help such people make sense of cultural norms and practices, and for them to discover their own unique ways of adapting to or responding to these, without the feelings of shame, isolation or rejection.
Intercultural Couples Relationships
All relationships come with challenges such as misunderstandings, arguments and not having one’s needs met at times. But for some couples, these challenges come with another layer of both of them having grown up in a different culture, i.e. different countries, or sub-cultures such as those relating to class, education and family traditions. Therapy can help these couples understand the different layers of their historic lived experience, how it shapes each person, and for both partners to be able to hold the meaning of the other’s communication or ways of being in mind, without feeling threatened by it and without feeling that their partner doesn’t understand them.
Discovering One’s True Self as a Gay Man
For many gay men, it is a challenging experience to grow up with a sense of being different to other boys, combined with the subtle nuances of homophobia that still exists across different layers of society. This homophobia, along with heteronormative gender expectations, is often internalised by gay men, bringing them in conflict with their true self, which was forbidden, and had to be hidden. Therapy can be a space for gay men to get to discover their true self, and get a deeper understanding of how these experiences shape them, along with a space for them to discover their unique sense of identity and expression as a man.
The Search for Direction and Meaning
Sometimes people come to therapy when what is familiar – their job or intimate relationships – no longer feels fulfilling, and they are in search of a new direction in life, or to discover a deeper meaning. In such instances, therapy can help a person to come in touch with their deeper sense of longing in life, and over a period of time, be guided by this longing to help them discover what would truly feel fulfilling. Therapy can also help them in recognising the relationships where they do feel seen and heard, and relationships they can begin to value more to find a sense of fulfilment.
Difficult Family Dynamics
There can be conflicting views, feelings and behaviours in families, which can cause a person to be at unease within themselves or with their close ones. Although therapy cannot help a person to change the ways of being of their family members, it can help them to understand the unthinkable and unspeakable feelings and thoughts in relation to these close ones. It can help them develop a more authentic and resilient sense of self, from where they can respond to their family conflicts differently instead of feeling stuck in having no voice or no impact.
Difficult Workplace Dynamics
A person can find their workplace as stressful and anxiety provoking even if they have a good sense of self and a healthy emotional life. Colloquially known as workplace politics, these difficulties can damage a person’s confidence in themselves and in their professional abilities. Therapy can help a person differentiate their own sense of self, professional abilities and feelings, from that what is being invoked in them in response to (for instance) an overly controlling colleague. This insight can help them embody their authenticity and abilities in order to respond to their challenging circumstances differently, or to figure out if the persistence of such difficult inter-personal dynamics is sustainable for them to be in.
A Space to Talk for Men
Most men, and not only heterosexual men, often go through the gender-conditioning of keeping it all in when it comes to emotions, and carrying on. Yet, emotions and feelings are something that cannot merely disappear. Therapy can be a private and safe space for men to slowly open up about their own feelings, thoughts and struggles, in a way that is heard with dignity, empathy and kindness in order for them to have a different experience of being a man, but also of being human and having the space for their emotions and stories to be witnessed in the presence of another person.
For more information about my individual psychotherapy work, click here. For information about online couples counselling, click here.